If you haven't talked to me lately than you probably don't know that last week was quite brutal. Anatomy test on Thursday, Theory test on Friday, Theory lab practical on Wednesday and quizzes thrown in there, too. I was a little over confident for my Theory things and have been having trouble lately. I didn't spend my time studying the right things for my Theory test. I haven't gotten that grade back, but I know it's bound to be my worst grade on a Theory test. Then I kind of tanked on my practical. See, we have to perform a skill call retinoscopy at a certain working distance. At the beginning we tie strings with that length to our scopes so that we're always sitting at the correct distance. Ever since I've removed the string, my results have been all over the place. It's makes me nervous because by this point we should know it. Where I used to be perfect, I'm screwing up badly. So I'll have to go back to square one and find some willing classmates to let me practice on. I'm sure there were some nerves tied into making those mistakes as well. Anyway, that big screw up (and a few other things) let me to an 87 on my practical. Not bad, but not stellar either.
It's a scary thought realizing that everything I'm learning can never be forgotten. Theory tests are becoming impossible to study for because no two patients are the same; however, there are still right and wrong answers.... Sometimes I can feel myself feeling like I'm shrinking when I'm sitting in lecture trying to understand very difficult concepts. Then, I feel like I'm shrinking even more when I talk to my friends who are quickly picking up on material, finding time to get involved, and are way better at staying on top of difficult classes. I know I'm in the right place, and that I'm smart enough, but I just get jealous of my friends who don't have to spend as much time as I do studying just to barely understand something. They also have a lot more time to do things for themselves or party with everyone. I have one more test on Friday, a group paper due on Wednesday, but then I'll have some breathing room. I'm going to use this weekend to relax and catch up. I feel like I say that every weekend, but I really want to do well on the next theory test and my finals.
I cannot believe it's pretty much April! My finals are the first week of May, so I really only have 4 more weeks of classes before I can say I'm officially done with my first year of optometry school! That's seriously a scary thought to know that I'm practically 1/4 of the way onto becoming a doctor!
Well, I mainly just wrote this to let off some steam and let those who are reading this know that I'm still here! :)